Hey everyone,
So for this post I wanted to write about something that’s not so near and dear to my heart, what is it? Panic attacks.
Unfortunately I’m one of the many people who suffer from this utter pain in the backside thing.
What is even more unfortunate is the amount of people who don’t realize how scary panic attacks can be. I’m going to share a story with you guys about a recent encounter of mine.
Not many people know that I suffer from them because I’m not the kind of person to broadcast it around, but just because people don’t know doesn’t mean they suck any less.
My mom suffers from them too, but when she gets one she can speak, you know, she can let you know that she can’t breathe. I, however find it hard to speak and therefore can’t explain what’s happening.
So I was on a train like two weeks ago. I was heading down to my boyfriends for the weekend, I was in great form. We were going out that night, meet up with some friends. It was one of those moments where I didn’t hate everything. For no reason whatsoever, a panic attack hit me.
Now I’m not a fan of public transport, if you read my first post you would know I’m the glass half full kind of person, so I am always expecting the worst. So anyway, I’m just there on my phone, sitting on the train and suddenly I can’t breathe.
The train has only just pulled out of the station so I still have twenty minutes to go. I’m trying to calm myself down, I take a sip of water and try to breathe, no luck. This woman is sitting across from me (I’m on a seat that has a table between it) and she looks at me sighs.
I’m fidgeting trying to calm down so I guess she didn’t appreciate that. I would have went to the toilet but my legs were shaking and I knew I wouldn’t make it. So instead I ignore her. I continue to take deep breathes, closing my eyes and trying to ignore every sound coming from around me.
The woman, sighs and taps me on the hand, I open my eyes and obviously I don’t say anything (because I can’t speak) and she’s like, you’re interrupting my reading, can you stop breathing so loud.
I just look at her in shock and she picks her book back up and just continues. After a bit I finally start to get my breathing under control and a ticket inspector comes up. He looks at me and is all concerned.
“Are you okay? You look very pale”
And I explain that I just had a panic attack. He asks am I okay again, checks my ticket, the woman’s ticket and leaves. Once he’s gone, the woman looks at me again and says I’m a disgrace for lying about having a panic attack and that my parents would be disgusted.
I was in shock, total shock. I stuck my headphones in and just ignored her. My boyfriend text saying he’d be a few minutes late picking me up so once I got off the train I went to the bathroom in the station. The woman was in there and she threw me a dirty look. I smile very nicely and go for a wee, I come out and start to wash my hands, she’s still there for some unknown reason.
She turns to leave and I tap her on the shoulder. She looks at me like I’m a piece of crap but I ignore it, trying to sound respectful as possible.
“I would just like to say that I think you are the one who is a disgrace, I couldn’t breathe and you made it worse by being rude and then accusing me of lying about it”
I pick up my bag and walk to the door, turning around to face her again.
“She marries her boss at the end of the book by the way”
Seeing as she was so into the book I just thought I’d ruin it for her. And that’s my story of the time I had a panic attack on the train. I never told my boyfriend or family because it was personal and I didn’t want to make a big deal of it.
But, I thought I would share it with you guys. If anyone has a similar experience, share it below in the comments and make sure to click that follow button if you would like to read more from me.
Until next time,
DaringlyDitzy, Xo
daringlyditzy 